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People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling—in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don’t happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member.

Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker’s self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker’s how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle—with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.

• Sales Rank: #25092 in Books
• Published on: 2014-08-14
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.00" h x 6.00" w x .75" l, .0 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 228 pages

Review
I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad´s book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders. (Metapsychology Online Reviews)

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is refreshingly no-nonsense, provides lots of useful hints on how to put this self-care model into practice while at the same time informing thoroughly and in no uncertain terms about the BP/NP's view of the world. It is a most helpful book! (Addiction / Sucht / Adicción)

About the Author
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT, has a private psychotherapy practice in Ft. Collins, CO, specializing in work with clients who are in relationship to someone who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, and she facilitates groups on Caretaker recovery. She has previously been an Adjunct Faculty member at Regis University in Colorado Springs and at California State University in Sacramento.

Most helpful customer reviews

215 of 225 people found the following review helpful.
One of the Best!
By Mary
This book was like reading about several people in my life AND my interactions with them. It further solidified my dawning awareness that these people will not change (not easily and maybe not at all and maybe never). It validated many of my feelings and experiences related to dealing with the BPD & NPD. It gave me HOPE that my life can improve...BUT it will be up to me to make it happen for myself. Waiting for them to care, be kind, share, reciprocate, show empathy, be helpful, be responsible, be less crazy/angry/needy/manipulative is a waste of my time and my life. The author gives many suggestions for what I can do to make my situation better - very helpful as my boundaries have been bludgeoned by the BPD and NPD people for pretty much all of my life. Duh, hello. Why did I not realize all of this on my own many years before? My own thinking was not as clear as it would have been if I had not been subjected all my life to the BPD/NPD authority figures & significant others. The author lays out some very helpful guidelines about my responsibilities vs my caretaking behaviors. It feels like permission to just be a responsible, nice, caring person rather than take on the job of making all these crazy people happy!! Woohoo! I have a long way to go, but the path is a lot more clear after reading this book.

62 of 62 people found the following review helpful.
This is worth 10 Stars!
By She
Having been raised in a family with a borderline/narcissist mother, and an enabling father, I have been in denial most of my life about how dysfunctional our life was. This book has forced my eyes open in a way that 7 years with my therapist could not do. Granted, as a recovering Caretaker, I was ready to hear the whole truth about how dysfunctional I had become and how much work is ahead of me to fix myself and not the other people in my life, but this book got into every nook and cranny of dysfunction and called it what it was. I am shocked at all the connections I never made and dismayed at how much I still need to change but I am going to do the hard work ahead. Dysfunction has affected at least 4 generations, I want the buck to stop with me so my kids have a better role model.

94 of 97 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent, insightful, and to the point
By GJ
This book offers clear insights without delving into the author's past or too many case studies. It provides understanding of the BP/NP personalities as well as the Caretaker's, and why we are inclined to get hooked into these toxic relationships. It gives clear and hopeful advice to Caretakers on how to extricate themselves from a borderline/narcissist, and gives a clear picture of the importance of doing so. This is one of the most USEFUL self-help guides I have read in a long time! I originally borrowed it from a local library but found it so helpful I wanted to own my own copy.
(As for the one star review, the grammatical mistake is only in the web write-up and is corrected on the book flap. The grammar and writing is strong throughout without being too pedantic or technical. A reminder that one should actually read a book before reviewing it.)

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[L559.Ebook] Free Ebook The Islamic State: A Brief Introduction, by Charles R. Lister

Free Ebook The Islamic State: A Brief Introduction, by Charles R. Lister

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An authoritative guide to the rise of the Islamic State and its senior leadership.

How did the Islamic State grow from regional terrorist group to a brutal multinational bureaucratic machine? What are its goals? How can it be stopped?

In 2014 the Islamic State seemingly appeared out of nowhere, routing Iraqi forces, conquering Iraq's second-largest city, boldly announcing the establishment of a caliphate, and declaring itself the Islamic State (IS). Today, IS controls thousands of square miles and is attempting to govern millions of people.

In this definitive guide to the Islamic State and its senior leadership, Charles R. Lister traces its roots from the release of its notorious father figure, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, from a Jordanian prison and the group's formation in Afghanistan in the late-1990s, and finally to its stunning maturation in Iraq and Syria.

The West knows IS through its unrelenting propaganda war, with its deft use of social media and videos of horrific acts. Lister shares details of IS's sophisticated revenue machine, attempts at governing, and its formidable military.

With IS knocking on the doors of Lebanon, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia, Lister's portrait helps us understand what to expect next and recommends a course of action to defeat IS, extinguish extremism, and encourage a tolerant Islam across the Middle East.

This book includes a Who's Who in the Islamic State's senior leadership.

From the foreword by Ahmed Rashid

"The Islamic State is the best basic understanding available of the ISIS phenomena and how to deal with it."

• Sales Rank: #146446 in Books
• Brand: Lister, Charles R.
• Published on: 2015-03-25
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 7.13" h x .32" w x 5.00" l, .30 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 110 pages

About the Author

Charles R. Lister is a visiting fellow at the Brookings Institution's Doha Center. He was formerly head of the Middle East and North Africa section at IHS Jane's Terrorism and Insurgency Centre.

Ahmed Rashid is one of Pakistan's premier journalists and analysts. He is the author of several books, including the New York Times bestseller Taliban. He writes for the Daily Telegraph, Washington Post, International Herald Tribune, New York Review of Books, and The Nation.

Most helpful customer reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Straightforward and good history and explanation of ISIS / the Islamic State
By Feast of Books
I ordered this based on Charles Lister's reputation, as well as the fact that Ahmed Rashid wrote the foreword. Lister has studied the Middle East for both Janes and Brookings. When the book arrived I was surprised to realize how short it is. I'm actually glad it didn't turn out to be a thick academic tome. It's very readable, and I finished this in two evenings. I feel like I now have a solid understanding of where ISIS came from and what the dynamics are that have made them so successful in their deplorable pursuits and actions.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Brilliantly researched and well written
By Christopher
Charles Lister's book is a an absolute must read for anyone seriously studying the ISIL dilemma. In fact, it has led me to a topic for my thesis. Mr. Lister is a renowned expert on the subject, so you can't go wrong by reading this. What is the most important thing I took out of this book? ISIL has two faces- one for the public, and another that is very close hold- that of a tightly ran bureaucracy led at the highest levels by Saddam Hussein's former officers. Charles' description of the intelligence driven ops behind the fall of Mosul, as well as the tactics used by ISIL in Jalula opened my eyes to the true nature of this threat. Brilliantly researched and well written. Thank you Mr. Lister.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
More policy recommendations than a history...but interesting for that
By BowedBookshelf
This book is short enough at 85 Kindle pages to be considered a pamphlet or monograph and yet it clearly outlines the genesis and development of ISIS in Iraq and Syria. It focuses more intensely on ISIS strengths and weaknesses rather than ideology. Rather than detail accounts of successes in the field or Western attempts to combat ISIS, it assumes a conversant and sympathetic Western audience. He has a more in-depth treatment due to be published in the U.K. in November this year (Hurst) and the U.S. in 2016 (Oxford Univ Press), called THE SYRIAN JIHAD: AL-Qaeda, the Islamic State and the Evolution of an Insurgency. Lister is a Visiting Fellow at the Brookings Doha Center in Qatar, Senior Consultant at The Shaikh Group, and formerly head of MENA at IHS Jane’s Terrorism & Insurgency Centre in London.

While many radical insurgents originated in Saudi Arabia, Lister makes clear that is began originally as opposition to the Saudi monarchy, therefore correcting what might be a misapprehension among observers: since many radicals issued from Saudi, one might conclude that the country fostered them, when in fact, they caused them. The fact remains that the Saudi government did little to curb radical ideologies originating on their soil, and did, in fact, make much of its opposition to the Shia sect’s power and control, as well as sponsoring or condoning the adoption of the variant of Wahhabism that is the ISIS creed.

Lister outlines the way ISIS has made itself financially strong: oil revenues from siphoned or takeover wells, levies on the transportation of goods within affected countries, taxes in areas it controls, outright theft, kidnap-for-ransom, extortion and protection rackets, and the sale of antiquities, among other things. It has a strict bureaucratic hierarchy which gives it some reach into the organizations it claims. It has gathered to itself disaffected and trained military men from throughout the Islamic world, has released from prison captured radicals and utilized their talents, and uses social media, including English-language outlets, effectively.

ISIS is not currently waging a war against the West. This makes it essentially different from Al Qaeda. ISIS is intent upon establishing a trans-national caliphate of their particular brand of Islam, which has, in effect, caused such sectarian strife in affected countries that ISIS may be able to capitalize in the vacuum of governance. This broad-yet-narrow outlook may be an exploitable weakness: their violence against Muslims who do not adhere to their stated tenets promotes violence against their movement, and governments accustomed to operating within state boundaries will oppose any incursion on their soils. The civilians on the ground may well oppose a trans-national caliphate based on Wahhabism but have fewer options available to them.

Lister’s work already seems a little out of date, for just yesterday we heard that U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, in talks with Russia and Turkey, stated a willingness to consider Assad remaining in power, while Lister defends the position taken by the U.S. last year: that Assad must go. But you will see in this analysis suggestions for Western strategy or policy in combating the ISIS scourge, with an emphasis on Western support of local actors rather than intervention. The trouble with writing about trouble spots is that things change so quickly and sometimes decisively. However, the bulk of this short book is detailed enough on actors and attitudes to be useful. Black Flags: The Rise of ISISUnderstanding ISIS and the New Global War on Terror: A PrimerThe Rise of Islamic State: ISIS and the New Sunni Revolution

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[B316.Ebook] Download The Loyalist: The LIfe and Times of Andrew Johnson, by Jeffrey K. Smith

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      On Good Friday, April 14, 1865, just five days after the end of the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by a bitter Confederate sympathizer named John Wilkes Booth. Lincoln became an instant martyr, immortalized as the "The Great Emancipator."

     After Lincoln's assassination, the commonest of men tried to fill the gigantic void. Andrew Johnson, a self-educated tailor from Tennessee, became the 17th President of the United States, and the first to enter office after the murder of his predecessor. Rising above an impoverished childhood, Johnson was truly a self-made man, learning a useful trade and developing his own successful business. At the same time, he rapidly ascended the poltical ladder--Alderman, Mayor, State Legislator, Congressman, Governor of Tennessee, United States Senator, Military Governor of Union-occupied Tennessee, Vice-President, and President of the United States.

As the only lawmaker from the South to remain in Congress after the outbreak of the Civil War, Andrew Johnson was the ultimate "Loyalist." In recognition for his dedication to the Union, Johnson was nominated as Abraham Lincoln's running mate in the 1864 presidential election. Barely a month into his vice-presidency, Johnson was thrust on the center stage of America politics.

      After Lincoln was murdered, the tailor from Tennessee ascended into the unenviable position of succeeding a legend. Johnson's obstinancy and rigid interpretaion of the Constitution soon placed him at odds with the Republican congression leadership and the national press. The bitter chasm widened as the Johnson presidency lurched forward, and ultimately led to his being the first President in American history to be impeached by the House of Representatives. By a single vote, Johnson avoided conviction by the Senate, and forfeiture of of office.

     After narrowly surving this constitutional crisis, Johnson's historical legacy was irrevocably damaged, and his hopes for an elected term as President were dashed. Returning to Tennessee after his presidency, Johnson was determined to return to political office. In remarkable fashion, he was elected to the United States Senate, marking the first and only time that a former President has returned to serve in that legislative body. Ambitous, lacking humility, and largely humorless, Johnson was unable to tolerate criticism. He angrily attacked his foes, once likening himself to Christ on the Crucifix. His combative personality and intemperate remarks readily allowed his enemies to portray him as vindictive and unstable.

     The Loyalist:  The Life and Times of Andrew Johnson is a concise biography of the 17th President of the United States, focusing upon the tumultuous years surrounding the American Civil War. Sustained by courage and ambition, Johnson was inevitably doomed by petulance, leading to a remarkable rise, dramatic fall, and partial vindication.

• Sales Rank: #752597 in Books
• Brand: Brand: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
• Published on: 2012-02-28
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.00" h x .44" w x 6.00" l, .58 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 192 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

From the Author
In my works of non-fiction, I have endeavored to bring history alive.  The books read in narrative fashion, with the fast pace of a novel, proving that fact is often stranger than fiction.  If we do not learn from history, we are doomed to repeat our mistakes.

About the Author
Jeffrey K. Smith is a physician and author. A native of Enterprise, Alabama, he received his undergraduate and medical degrees from the University of Alabama. After completing his residency at the William S. Hall Psychiatric Institute, he entered private practice in upstate South Carolina. Dr. Smith lives in Greer, South Carolina with his wife Anne. They are the proud parents of two sons, Andy and Ben. Dr. Smith is the author of three murder-mystery novels and six works of non-fiction. To learn more about the author's books, please visit www.newfrontierpublications.net.

Most helpful customer reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Another Great Book by Dr. Smith
By James W
This is an entertaining and well written book about Andrew Johnson. Born into abject poverty and forced to work at a very early age, the self-educated and shrewd Johnson achieved amazing success in both business and politics. Never one to back away from confrontation, Johnson's stubborness eventually cost him an elected term as President and opened the door for hard line northern politicians to implement harsh post war policies in the former Confederate states. Dr. Smith's book tells the story of the tumultous life and times of one of the South's most controversial figures. A very good read that is sure to enlighten.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Great insight into Andrew Johnson
By Gregr209
I have read several books on Andrew Johnson and have to say this is by far the best. History has painted Johnson poorly and this book puts Johnson in a better perspective then many of the other books. Highly recommend. A good read for finding out what happened after Lincoln was killed and how Johnson tried to help bring the Union back together. Look forward to reading more books Dr. Smith.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
The Loyalist
By Mary K. Green
This book portrays Andrew Johnson's life, beliefs, and actions as president following the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. As a lover of history I found this book intriguing and enlightening. During the difficult times of Andrew Johnson's presidency it is amazing to me that the country survived. Johnson endured the contempt of many Americans including many in Congress which dealt him the blow of impeachment. He was a southerner and yet stood with the north on preserving the union and protecting the constitution. Through this book, I gained an understanding of Johnson's character and strength and have a picture of a man who was thrust into an extremely difficult situation through no fault of his own.

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[A953.Ebook] Free Ebook Renee Fleming: The Inner Voice, Notes from a Life Onstage, by Renee Fleming

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Globally famous opera star Renee Fleming has been described as the "best soprano in the world" by Andre Previn and "the biggest selling soprano in the world" by the head of Universal Classics. More than an entertaining autobiography about the inner workings of the classical world, her memoir is also is an inspirational look at what it takes to be successful as a singer and as such will be uniquely valuable to the thousands of young people who aspire to these heights. In a series of wonderfully personal anecdotes she shares her experiences of working with famous orchestras and temperamental conductors as well as movingly describing her early battles with stage fright.

• Sales Rank: #390871 in Books
• Published on: 2005-05-26
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.53" h x .98" w x 6.38" l, 1.10 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 256 pages

About the Author
Renee Fleming has been pre-eminent in the opera world since 1991 and now takes title roles in all the great opera houses worldwide from her native Met through La Scala and Bayreuth to our own Glyndebourne and Covent Garden. The book is co-written by a well known novelist who is a friend of Ms Fleming and who prefers to remain anonymous.

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Wonderful
By rigofax
Great descriptions on the technicality of singing without being dry and boring. Loved that some insight was made of backstage workings of a prerformance but wish more had been said on that.

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
it smells so bad, the previous owner was a heavy smoker
By Frank
I thought this was a different book of the same author but this was the same, giving 3 star for the actual book itself, it smells so bad, the previous owner was a heavy smoker, it caused me respiratory issues. Went to the garbage, would not even like to donate it at goodwill.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Grace, Beauty, and Power: the STUNNING Renee Fleming, YES she's EXCEPTIONALLY TALENTED BUT it's her WORK ETHIC that's SCARY !
By S. R. Hoffman
I just saw Renee Fleming perform live and I was smitten. Had to read her VERY personal and interesting book. A LIFETIME of WISDOM.

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[E737.Ebook] Free Ebook France in Crisis: Welfare, Inequality, and Globalization since 1980, by Timothy B. Smith

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Timothy Smith argues that the French economic and social model is imploding on itself despite good intentions. Bad policies and vested interests that exploit the rhetoric of "solidarity" and the specter of globalization have prevented necessary changes from being effected. Making frequent comparisons with the U.S., U.K., Canada, Scandinavia, Germany and the Netherlands, Smith argues that change need not follow the inegalitarian U.S. or British paths in order to lead to a more balanced French society.

• Sales Rank: #8016960 in Books
• Brand: Brand: Cambridge University Press
• Published on: 2004-11-29
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 8.98" h x .83" w x 5.98" l, 1.34 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 310 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

Review
"...a must read for all those who wonder why the French welfare state is in such trouble. It is a polemic--in the best sense of the word--about the failures of political leaders in France, on the left as much as the right, to address the underlying weakesses of the national system of welfare and work or to redress the continuing inequities in French society." Vivien Schmidt, Boston University

"This is a remarkable and wonderful book. It should be read by those interested in all aspects of French culture and in the welfare state across the globe. ...a hard-hitting, yet balanced and well-researched book that is bound to be both controversial and convincing." Peter Baldwin, UCLA

"Here is the book on contemporary France. Why is the French quality of life so high? But at the same time why has France gone so badly wrong? How has the French welfare state evolved into an instrument of privilege and exclusion? No observer of Europe, France, or international economics can do without this vitally important book." Tyler Cowen, Professor of Economics, George Mason University and Director of the Mercatus Center and the James Buchanan Center for Political Economy

"Timothy Smith's fast-moving and tightly-reasoned France in Crisis cuts through the smokescreen of misinformation which veils the French social model. He exposes the pretentions of intellectuals, the inequities created by dysfunctional institutions, the gaps between promise and performance. Smith's message to the French is clear: we have met the enemy, and he is us." John Gillingham III, Univ. of Missouri, St. Louis

"Globalization is the source of France's current economic problems, right? Think again. Tim Smith argues that the failures of the French welfare state are the result of its own wrongdoings, which French politicians have persistently failed to address. Yet in spite of its forceful critique of contemporary French economy and society, France in Crisis offers a hopeful argument that, even in an age of globalization, governments still possess a certain margin of maneuver to conduct autonomous policies and tame the worst effects of the market while achieving full employment." Sophie Meunier, Princeton Institute for International and Regional Studies

"France in Crisis features extensive notes, an appendix listing significant French social legislation, easy to follow in text definitions of terms such as 'social market economy' and 'corporatism' and a concise, bulleted list of possible solutions in the final chapter. Smith acknowledges the successes of France's welfare state, particularly some aspects of the health care system, but he does not shy away from constructively criticizing the shortcomings of a nation umbilically attached to a gargantuan State. This volume is not simply a rant against French social policy, but a sort of how-to manual for creating economic and social solidarity." - Christy Wampole, Stanford University

About the Author
Timothy Smith is Associate Professor of History at Queen's University, Ontario where he teaches Modern European history, comparative public policy and the history of globalization. His previous publications include Creating the Welfare State in France, 1880-1940 (2003).

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
France's problems explained
By Long Distance Biker
France's political class gets the pounding it deserves. The book is academically researched, so there are agreements with other analysts, and disagreements with others. The need for research can make some of the points several times, but overall, the origins of France's problems are clear.

A word about "since 1980". As with any history, it has to stop at a date near the publication date. A 2012 reader can see that many of the problems covered have continued. They show no sign of abating, and the reasons are clear from the book's analysis. Recently there have been new events in France and Europe which are important to a 2012 reader, but necessarily absent from the research. Even so, the book's analysis of the political class "since 1980" lets a reader project some effects into the present. Eventually, historians will be able to analyze what France and Europe are like today. Hopefully, they won't ignore the early political class origins of long-term problems.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
A thoughtful and stimulating read
By T. Walter Scott
This is a very enlightening cross-disciplinary look at where the French welfare state finds itself today. The author does a wonderful job of harpooning the self-delusional assumptions the French make about their government's social programs. Likely, this won't be warmly received in France, but challenging the status quo is no way to win popularity contests. The United States and Canada could do with a similar treatment from this author.

From a stylistic standpoint, I think it is important to note that this is not just another dry academic tome. The text is quite lively and there are more than a few colourful turns of phrase thrown in for good measure.

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